Intuition

Okay, let's get right down to it. 

We get a lot of questions about what we "think" we're having.  And everyone loves to throw their opinions at us as well... especially based on old wives tales {none of which have ever been correct with any of my babies... so far} so I tend to just laugh those off with a "yeah, we'll see."  While others just have random guesses or feelings about it.

So, what's our intuition? 

From day one, we have thought that this baby is a GIRL.

Now I'm 50/50 when it comes to guessing the sex of my babies.  But Bob?  Well he's been right both times. {Apparently his fatherly intuition is much better than my motherly intuition, huh?}

With Carter, I just had that "boy" feeling from day one.  So when it came to the anatomy scan with him, we both just excepted them to say boy and we were right.  It's not that either of us wanted a boy {we didn't care} we just thought he was a boy.

With Brynn, Bob thought it was a girl from the day we found out.  And I did too.  But then I started getting those boy feelings back and changed my mind.  So from day two, I thought it was a boy again, but Bob stuck to his "it's a girl" guns.  When it came to the anatomy scan with Brynn, I was in shock when they told us we were having a girl.  {I almost fell off the table.}  I then proceeded to say "It's a girl???" to Bob over the next week.  It took awhile to sink in and I was so over the moon excited about having a girl.

With this baby, we just immediately thought girl, for really no reason at all.  But I thought, throughout my pregnancy, that I'd just get little hints about what it was.  That I could compare this baby to how I was feeling with either Carter or Brynn and just know, without a doubt, what we were having.

But here's the thing?  Everything is different this time.

This baby is not like Brynn or Carter.  And even the things that may be slightly similar?  They can be explained. 

For example...

• The way I'm carrying?  It's the same as Brynn.  Carter was always really high {the opposite of the OWT} and Brynn was always really low.  But I think that's just because my belly gets so big when I'm PG, that my muscles are weaker for the second + pregnancy.  So I can't really say "oh yeah, I'm carrying like Brynn so this is a girl" when I know it's more like "I make monster babies and my belly just can't take it anymore."
• The heartbeat?  Right in the middle.  Of course. ;)  Carter was always in the 170's and Brynn was always in the 130's {again, the opposite of the OWT} But this baby?  150's.  Always.  {This little stinker loves to keep us guessing.}
• The Chinese Gender Chart?  I don't even want to discuss this.  Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.  It said girl for Carter and Boy for Brynn.  It says boy again this time, so maybe this is 100% a girl, huh?? ;)
• The EIF on this baby's heart?  Brynn had it too, so does that mean girl?  Nope, it doesn't.  Because boys have them too.  And I refuse to look up any studies to suggest that it occurs more often in one sex over the other.  Because I really don't want to know if it does. 

Everything else has been the same {the food that I crave, swelling, breakouts, weight gain, dreams of both genders, etc.}  It's just how my body reacts to a pregnancy, I guess.  So there's really nothing that gives me any indication of the sex of this baby.  Not a thing.

Except this feeling.  This intuition from the start that was saying "it's another girl baby!"

But I have to be honest. 

Part of me is thinking... do I have this girl feeling because I secretly {or not-so-secretly, now} want a sister for Brynn??  Sisterhood is all I know.  I've never had a brother and the relationship that I have with my 2 sisters?  I can't even put that into words. And I want that for my daughter.  I want her to have a sister and to have that relationship that I am lucky enough to experience.  That relationship of loving & confiding in someone so much that they know you much better than you even know yourself.

But then I look at Carter.  And I want a brother for him.  I've never had a brother, but I'm sure that "brotherly love" relationship is similar and just as wonderful.  And I'm okay with it just being me and Brynn surrounded by our boys.  I'm more than okay with it.

And that's why we're not finding out.  Because we really don't care what we're having.  This is a healthy baby and whether it's a boy or a girl, they will be completing our family and we will love them more than life itself. Just like Carter and Brynn.

Now here's where I start talking crazy.

I have this little feeling that I will be a tiny disappointed at the birth either way {like over the moon excited 99.5% and a smidge disappointed .5%} And this may not make sense to anyone but me, but bear with me here...

When I find out what we're having?  It will be at delivery.  When I push this little person out of me and they yell "It's a ____!"  {I can't wait for that.}  But in that moment?  That one second where I find out that little Reid or little Emerson is finally here?  The other one disappears forever.  And I'll know, in that moment, that that other litter person that I've been dreaming about for so long?  They will never exist for me.  Boy. Girl. It won't matter. I've spent 9 months picturing my life with both of them.  But in reality?  I only get to keep one.

So while I'll be bursting with joy over the birth of my new little one, I'll also be mourning the possibility of what life would have been like with the other.  Just a tiny bit.

Am I making any sense??  Probably not.

So yeah, to sum up... we think girl.  But maybe it's a boy.  We don't really care either way. And I'm a crazy person.

And for the record?  Brynn says girl and Carter says both, but mostly boy because "we already have a baby girl" so clearly, according to Carter, you can only have one. ;)

122 days to go.